


D.Gray-man Hamilton drabbles

by LadyHorizon94



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Canon Diverge, Character Death, Dubious Consent, Hamilton Songs, Lucky pair, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Some have sexual themes, Suicide, rated m just to be sure, tags get updated with every fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-03-20 20:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13725798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHorizon94/pseuds/LadyHorizon94
Summary: These are D.Gray-man one-shots inspired by Hamilton songs. Some include ships, some don't rated M.





	1. Burn

**Author's Note:**

> I got back into DGM recently and noticed how well some hamilton songs kinda fit with D.Gray-man? :.D And since Tyki/Lavi is my OTP or at least one of my faves, the first one is for them. This drabble is ofc inspired by the song burn so this is rather angsty. It's yours to decide wheather this is one-sided or not.

**Burn**

Lavi closed door silently behind him as he stepped in the dim lit room. His bright smile that he had kept forcefully on his face faded right away, melting into nothing. His shoulder tensed and he stood there, hand squeezing the knob emotions storming in his head, filling his whole being with pain and humiliation he shouldn’t be feeling.

But he needed this. If only for a moment he needed to be alone. To feel. There had been all kinds of hassle with the Ark, with the attack and with Levierrel, Lavi had been unable to take the break.

Now, the red head had managed to find the time for himself – he had to or he would have been torn apart in front of everyone by humiliating personal tragedy that haunted him everyday.

His biggest mistake and bertrayal.

The boy closed his eyes, inhaling. The way _he_ had slowly walked towards to hurt Allen… The boy’s screams and the sadistic smile on the man's face…

A Bookman didn’t feel. He didn’t have any attachments. Maybe it had been a punishment then. A reminder. Lavi didn’t believe in God or destiny or karma. But his broken mind couldn’t come up with any other explanation.

Tyki had been like an entirely different man from that charming, playful noble who had noticed ”Deak” at the dirty bar.

Had he… known then? Had he laughed behind Lavi’s back to his family members of the boy’s naivety and stupidity? Granted, the red head hadn’t been exorcist back then but exorcist or not, the Bookman’s apprentice would certainly be useful to them?

Was that the reason? Was that why the man had convinced Lavi to continue the affair even after he told him they couldn’t? The boy had risked so much –

He had told the man that –

And he had told Lavi back that –

_I love you, Deak._

His throat felt tight. He couldn’t breath. Shame stung and pierced through his insides. He had bertrayed everyone. Allen, Lenalee, Yu-

And gramps.

He had failed them all. And he didn’t know which one he resented more for it. Himself or Tyki. The rage of seeing the man in Japan had almost consumed him like the flames he could create from his hammer.

_He was right there, taunting him with those cold eyes and smirk. ”I’ve got little time right now. Shall we play again?”_

_Every word felt like a slap against his face. That… Had that been all to the man?! Just some cheap entertaiment? The rage and sadness made his cheeks feel hot and his whole body trembled. All of his muscles were tense, ready to jump to the action to rip Tyki into pieces._

_”The rest of you! Stay back! The beauty mark here belongs to me!” His ears rang and he barely registered Lenalee trying say something. Part of him wished Tyki would say at least something about what they had. Something, that would indicated that there had been at least **something** there… ”I’ve got a score to settle with him!” _

_The boy’s head was pulsing and pounding the adrenaline inside him started to flow._

_”What?” That face… that confused and kind of innocent face was too human for Lavi. Why did Tyki even bother to pretend, when everything was already out?! ”You’re upset because I killed the Card Sharp?”_

**_Nononono don’t go there, please don’t do this to me –_ **

_”Was he a friend of yours?”_

**_Don’t talk about him, you have no right to, not to me –_ **

_”Was the girl his friend too? The pretty one?”_

**_Just attack already –_ **

_”I’m sorry, my heart aches for you,”_

**_Stop talking –_ **

_”Because I have them too… Friends that is…”_

**_You don’t know anything –_ **

_”I feel your loss. It’s a tragic thing… To lose a friend.”_

**_shut up, shut up, SHUT UP –_ **

His eyes burned but nothing came out. The man had enjoyed every bit of his pain and suffering. There had not been any recognition. As if all those kisses and letters and secret meetings had meant nothing.

But why? Why had he conjured all those witty words and charming sentences just for him? Why make all that trouble to make sure they would reach Lavi, or rather, Deak?

The boy stormed across the room and pulled a smallish, black box underneath his bed. He threw the lid away as he spread the letters to the floor his eyes rapidly scanning them. His scrambled mind could only pick a word here and there. They turned into a mix of mushy lies.

_…I love you... …I hope you have been well and in good health… …I can’t forget that night when we…_

All of them just an exaggerated theatre. Perhaps a gamble. Those hands which had caressed the small of his back had tortured and killed. Those lips, kissing him hundreds of way had spit a cruel words about his friend like it had been a joke. It still didn’t make sense. It still hurt him.

These letters had been the ones keeping him sane when he felt like this unholy, hypocritical war was tearing him in two. Tyki had always known what to say without sounding too sweet and sugary. And Lavi had kept this secret as well as he could. He had kept these small papers hidden and been so careful with them.

Slowly, he reached his trembling hand and touched the rough paper, caressing it. Tyki had parading with the fact that he had killed Allen, or at least tried. His words had been like an declaration to the world –

Lavi clenched his jaw and he finally felt his vision go blurry. His hands wrapped around the letters, wrinkling them. These words were his shame, the evidence of his failure as a bookman and as an exorcist. The shame that his heart belonged to an enemy, a killer of his friends.

Tyki Mikk might as well hold his heart.

The red head wanted to forget. Needed to rid himself of the Noah.

Quickly, as if they were burning him, Lavi put them back in the box. He took his hammer out, staring them his eye darkening. Carefully, he created small spark from his Innocence watching how their promises, hopes and lies turned into ashes.

No one would ever know how broken this had made him. No one would ever read Tyki’s words to him. With this, he freed his heart from the Noah.

The next time he would see Tyki…

Lavi would make him burn.


	2. Say No To This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: could be seeing as a dubious consent. Sexual tension and themes so this chapter is rated M  
> Lucky pair aka Tyki/Lavi, again...

His hand squeezed the small hammer and his mind was screaming him to attack, or run. This was his _enemy._ A goddamn _Noah!_ There was nothing holding him back… Except a hand resting gently on his hip barely moving. It was warm, secure. Even though the redhead had his clothes on, it burned and other side of his mind whispered all kinds of sort things these hands could do…

The man was towering him, his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders. It was unbuttoned all the way so Lavi could see the lines of the muschles, delicate collarbones –

The boy gulped. He wasn’t this easy and shallow. He just… wasn’t. He knew better, he was better than this –

”I don’t think you’ll be needing that,” the Noah purred letting his golden eyes stay on the Innocence for a split-second.

The boy tried to laugh it off. He tried to sound mocking and cold but it came out so forced and thin. Tyki had him pinned against the wall, his face were only inches away from Lavi’s and the other hand was just above the boy’s head. It was hard to think. His mind buzzed and his legs felt like jelly. He needed to squeeze every drop of reason from the back of his mind. ”Oh, I think I will. Do you really think I am that _stupid?!”_

The man smiled, sly and knowing smile as he leaned closer. Lavi could smell the musk and cigarettes and it made his head feel lighter and heart race. His lips parted to activate his innocence –

Tyki’s breath tickled his ears causing shivers run down his spine. ”Then why aren’t you attacking?” The boy felt something wet on his earlobe and he closed his eyes and grit his teeth to prevent a gasp.

This man didn’t have power over him. He wasn’t weak. Lavi listed every person this monster had killed, tried to remind himself that Tyki could rip his heart out in any second…

All he needed to do was attack and then try and get away. He had done that hundreds, maybe thousands of times. His body was agile and quick. It wouldn’t take much for him…

The man withdrawed and just… watched Lavi hungrily, scanning his body with his golden eyes. Undressing him with them. The man’s body was so inviting, so open and warmth was radiating from it.

Lavi’s pant’s and throat felt so tight. The room was closing up to him, leaving no where to run. His mind tried to come up with a plan. A million ways to attack and escape rose and fell inside his mind but they turned into a useless mush. The door was just across the room –

”This is wrong, and you know it,” Lavi whispered huskily. It was a weak reason. Tyki wasn’t a type to care about such things.

The man raised his eyebrows, amusement glowing from his eyes. ”Ho? But we aren’t. You are a neutral party in this… You – ” Tyki’s hand moved to his back. Dangerously low. ” – Are a fair game.”

God… Tyki’s voice made him melt. It was low and inviting and disarming. Lavi had been tired. The war was getting intense, more violent and crude and there was so many things to record. He hadn’t slept that much scripling like a mad man with his master while forbidden friendships had plagued his soul.

It would be a heaven not to think. Not to worry about anything… Drop the mask even just for once. Tyki looked so… sensuel. His long hair were tied loosely, part of it pouring on his face –

No, this was wrong no matter how Lavi looked at it.

”I need to go.” The boy was proud of the steel he managed to put in his voice as he slipped under the man’s arm –

A firm hand grapped his wrist and before Lavi could register the situation, he felt lips against his own.

 _God…_ Tyki dominated the kiss easily. It was surprisingly gentle but firm. A tongue slipped into the boy’s mouth caressing it. Lavi was surrounded by Tyki’s scent and it dulled all of his thoughts. All of his senses were full of Tyki and the hot body was pressing against him… Surrounding him... Small, helpless smothered noises escaped from the read head as he answered the kiss clumsily.

Lavi knew he wasn’t going to refuse. He knew he was helpless against this. Enraged faces of his comrades ran through his head like a broken film.

_Nobody needs to know…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	3. Meet Me Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ships: Um... Kanda/Alma...? At least Past!Kanda/past!Alma...?   
> TBH At first i was gonna do this with Lavi and Bookman but then decided to do this with Kanda and Tiedoll instead!   
> Spoilers for the Alma ark!

The newbies in the European Branch are blinded by their new found powers. They walk around their head high and buffing their chest talking about how they are _chosen ones._ God's holy soldiers only second to Christ himself. They run their mouth glorifying dying in the battlefield and honor of this ”holy duty.”

The veterans and more experienced fighters know better and they hold their tongues. They carry the lessons from the battlefield on their bodies modestly. Still, to Kanda they are no better since they are loyal to the Order and everything it stands for. They fight still thinking it as their duty. They are supposed to be heroes. To free the world from Earl and his pests.

Kanda has only been in this place for a week and it's already driving him nuts. There's nothing heroic about lying forgotten in the dirt and being stumped on by monsters. There's nothing _freeing_ about the parasites latching onto their bodies forcing them to become slaves to the ideal against their will.

There's nothing honorable about experiments leaving them sore and literally falling apart. There's nothing holy about being dragged back from that peaceful slumber and being imprisoned by the hypocritical war again.

Yes, They don't know half of the things the Order is doing, Kanda knows that. Still, their unwavering faith is abrading and irritating him. The boy wants to tell them exactly what their holy little organization is doing behind their back. He wants to see the horror and disgust in their eyes as he dicribes how his sword had cut Alma over and over again. Kanda would whisper ever so slowly the massacre, the tangled and twisted bodies of the scientists -

For a week he endures it.

Then, something inside him breaks and the dam insides him breaks unleashing the storm of emotions he has managed barely to keep locked away.

The guy goes on and on how they are going to save the world, how they are special and oh-so-lucky.

All Kanda could think about is blood and Alma's tears and despair in his eyes as he decided to attack. The feeling of flesh against Mugen and images of _that woman_ circulate his head until he draws his weapon and attacks. Wrath taking over his body.

The exorcist is twice as big as him. Kanda's current body is only 15 years old but the boy couldn't care less about it. He wants to _punish_ this fool for his idiocy and arrogance. He doesn't pay attention to the yelling around them or the wounds he gets from his opponent – it doesn't matter really, why should it? His injuries would heal anyway and he would be fine the next day -

“YU!”

_It's a clishe but the smile directed at him is angelic. It always manages to bring peace in his heart even in the chaos of the war. And the way She says his name, so full of love and faith. It comes out as a warm whisper like a promise. “Yu...”_

Just like that, he stops. Mugen just a millimeter away from the older man's face. The teen is sitting on his chest, eyes dark and murky.

Someone grabs him and pulls him away. Kanda struggles free as soon as he can and turns to glare his teacher as spiteful as he can.

Tiedoll's eyes are colder than usual when their gazes meet. “I apologize for my apprentice. He's still young and rather quick-tempered.”

The exorcist only mutters something as someone helps him back on his feet. Kanda only scoffs and starts walking away not wanting to deal with any of these self deceiving idiots any longer.

“Wait a moment Yu. I need to speak with you,” The general's voice leaves no room for an argument. The name rolls from his lips too carelessly and it feels like an insult. He doesn't feel like “Yu” Not anymore. Not after that.

The boy turns around, folding his arms waiting. He doesn't want to waste any more time with this nonsense. “What?”

“ _Alone,”_ the man notes, putting as much weight as he can in that single word. They walk out of the dining hall the whispers and eyes following them. Good. They should fear him. They should stay far, _far_ away from him.

They have nothing to offer him.

They step in the Tiedoll's room and the door shuts with a slam after Kanda. The man sighs like a disappointed father as he sits on the bed, rubbing his forehead. “Yu - “

“Don't call me that,” Kanda hisses between his teeth.

“ _Yu? That name seem to suit you somehow - “_

...Why he can't remember _hers?_

Tiedoll doesn't even acknowledge his words. “These are your _comrades._ You can't just attack them - “

“I can if they are being idiots,” Kanda comments voice full of ice.

“We need every exorcist in this war. Unnecessary injuries only slow us down and weaken us.”

“People like _him_ weaken us.” The boy nods towards the door. “Maybe he should die.”

The shock flashes through the general face before they harden. Though Kanda can see a hint of worry in there and he wants to _laugh._ If this man has some sort of delusion -

“Yu, we are in this together -”

“ _I want to see this through with you together... Yu”_

It's a tad too much. Kanda's body moves automatically and soon he's pointing mugen at his master, eyes storming with fury hiding the pain behind them. “ _ **Do Not Call Me That.”**_

Tiedoll is completely calm as he studies his pupil before sighing and standing up. “I'll let the chief know you need some time without missions. You need to adjust.”

Without waiting any answer, the man walks past Kanda and out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have time to beta this so sorry for any mistakes! I'll go through them later ofc but if you see anything, feel free to point them out :'D


	4. Congratulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so headsup, I have not actually read the newer chapters but when I heard that Lavi is missing and is not bookman's apprentice anymore I started to think scenario where he comes back as a bookman and Allen is heartbroken about it. I also saw how much more gentle kanda is towards allen compared before so I got this idea for this drabble. I read the DGM wiki to catch up since I don't have the time to read the DGM to catch where is it at now. So if anything's off or doesn't fit, take this as canon diverge or auish, thing.  
> SPOILERS FOR THE NEWEST CHAPTERS! Laven and Yullen ahead!

He's back to them now. The red head has found their little group. When they saw him, everyone was relieved. Even Kanda even though it's something he would never admit out loud so easily. Not even after all that has happened. But Allen needs Lavi by his side. There's still only so much the japanese can do and talking to that selfless idiot is like running on the wall over and over again sometimes.

The young man is far for naive. He knows that the red head can't magically make Nea disappear – none of them can. But he hoped that even a fracture of the light that used to be there would return. That something would click right in their messed-up reality.

Of course it's never so.

Kanda sees how Lavi doesn't respond when Allen opens his arms to him. Gray eyes are gleaming with tears that are ready to fall and they are full of love and hope. They all wait Lavi to break into a teasing grin, embracing the younger boy and tell him to stop crying.

Instead, he just nods. There's no smile on his face and his green eye shortly scan all of them. Johnny stares, his mouth slightly open and even Tiedoll, who doesn't even know the Lavi that much is watching them seriously.

“We should find a place to sleep,” Lavi comments as if nothing has changed. As if “Lavi” never existed.

And then it clicks Kanda.

There's only one way _how._ What misses is _why._

All the sacrifices Kanda has made for Allen are running through him. All the choices he has jumped on willingly because the boy needed him. Because Lavi wasn't there.

And _this. This_ is _his_ choice?!

To throw Allen away? _Now?!_

Kanda wants to slice Lavi up right here and there. The urge has never been so powerful but he has to control himself – for now.

Allen smiles, but it's so hollow and empty. Still, he tries his best to look like everything is fine – that _he_ is fine.

They find a dirty little inn kept by an old gentle lady who is just charmed by the British exorcist. She just keeps talking and talking as she pours them tea apparently completely oblivious to the atmosphere between them.

Kanda wants her to shut up. But he manages to hold his tongue instead focusing on that weird distance between the two boys. Neither of them are looking at each other. Allen is sipping tea trying to keep his hands busy and the read head has them folded, observing the framed pictures on the walls. The japanese can remember how easily they would lean to each other on situations like this. How effortlessly the elder would wrap his arms around Allen and how quick they were to kiss.

God, this pisses him off even more.

Finally, they all withdraw into their rooms. Kanda lets the night fall and the whole house fall silent before making his move. Normally he wouldn't have cared less about making a scene but this is a conversation he doesn't want anyone to interrupt.

The man walks – almost marches to the Lavi's room the wooden floor complaining under his boots.

Lavi is sitting on the bed with a thick book on his hands. His eyes scan the text quickly and his lips are slightly moving as if he was trying to memorize the text. A lamp on the nightstand is illuminating his task dimly.

“I think I should congratulate you,” the red head finally speaks, lifting his gaze and putting the book down on the nightstand. Small emotionless smile rises on his face. “General.”

“I don't need your congratulations,” Kanda spits his eyes narrowing. There's one reason only why he has been willing to step further into that hellish organization and rise the steps which tie him further into the darkness. And that reason is lingering between them, filling the space with bittersweet memories. “And you certainly don't need mine, Bookman.”

The name makes Lavi twitch. A sign that his mask isn't perfect. That he isn't so composed than it appears. Honestly, none of them are. “I did it for him,” the boy notes rearranging his expression.

Kanda scoffs. “You ran away,” His icy correction makes Lavi's shoulders tense and he folds his arms as if protecting himself from the other boy's judgement.

“Like this I have more power – I can use them - “

Few quick steps and Kanda is right across the room, towering “Lavi”. The new general leans forward his eyebrows knitted together. “Can you erase the 14th? Can you ease his pain?” Each words affect the read head like a punch. The mask slips more and more.

“I can protect him from the order. A Bookman's word - “

“ - Means shit to those guys!” Kanda can't help how his voice raises. His hand grabs Lavi's collar and he yanks the other boy closer. The red head is pale and his green eye is wide.

Kanda tries so hard to understand what has made his friend like this. They all have inner darkness in them... Lenalee, Kanda, Allen. But Lavi seems to be the only one who has lost in it. And now when the beansprout is fighting his own the red head chickens. Gives up. Disguising it as “protection.”

The boy didn't like the small British at first. His holier-than-thou attitude rub him like a sand paper. The way he throws himself on the battle without caring his own well-being has always made Kanda want to just leave him on his own. And that what he had exactly done. He has been blinded by his goal to the point of obsession across those unhappy years of just surviving and he missed what was happening right in front of him. If it had meant Order's destruction he had happily ignored the beast inside Allen.

His biggest regret.

But now he's here. And Lavi isn't. Not really.

“Fine, Do whatever you like,” the japanese exorcist spits venomously letting go of the other. Angrily, he turns around and marches out.

As far as he's concerned Lavi can manage on his own from now on.

A Bookman doesn't have any attachments, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also read ma boi Kanda is gonna be a general. I am so proud of him.


	5. Alexander Hamilton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No ships this time!   
> This song seemed to fit Allen's life and what other characters think of him. Also this is shorter than the previous ones.   
> I might write another one to make up for it!

Red's life has been nothing but a struggle after struggle ever since he was born. His parents' faces are nothing but blank question marks lingering in the very back of his mind. It would be nice to imagine a good reason why he is left in the middle of the gaudy circus tents taking the blow after blow from the man with painted faces. But truth is literally attached to him. A paralyzed left hand, red as his hair and blood on his vein is a constant reminder how there's no ”better” for someone like him. No ladders to climb up from the bottom.

Until he is offered a chance. A parent. It's true that the circumstances that this happiness rises are as hideous as his deformity he finally has someone by his side. A new name. A new start.

And they walk and walk until Mana collapses demanding his son to keep walking no matter what. But Allen is a only a child. Alone and young not ready to slip back how he used to be. So he takes the devil's aide only to be cursed to see souls cry helplessly for as long as he lives and to see his father die once more.

At that moment only one thing matters. A promise to keep walking. So he follows the wanton general on the life of unorthodox training. Working in the middle of debts, less than chaste women and liquor bottles until his master sends him to the place which would later be known from the pain it was nesting within its' walls.

The Black Order towers the horizon as Allen Walker keeps walking towards it still unaware what would be waiting for him.

In there, the boy will meet a girl with a crushing weight on her legs and in her heart.

He will laugh with a heartless man with a heart.

He will fight with a man searching for an echo of past love.

He will play games with an enemy treating him like a friend.

And he will have to fight against the beast taking over his very core.

Allen Walker is a boy, a soldier who will either become a diamond. A star leading his comrades to victory or he'll get buried under the nameless bodies forgotten without seeing the years of adulthood.

 


	6. Schuyler Defeated (Work Shop Version)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something more lighter this time! Sorry it's so short, I have a flu and uni stuff. Also sorry since I remember promising this much earlier, the same day than the "Alexander Hamilton" one. Life caught me,   
> Yullen, Kinda fluff. Also I imagine this happening quite early in the series like... before all the Neah stuff.

If anyone asked, Kanda would most likely aggressively deny to be easily provoked. To him the idiots who challenge him are at fault. Usually a sharp glare makes them leave quick. They don’t even bother to look back when they excuse themselves and mutter a quiet and hasty apology.

But sometimes, there are those who just don’t bother to take a hint. They are unimpressed by Kanda’s dark cold eyes and his blade. They keep either glaring or smirking seemingly ignorant to the thickening air while people around them look away refusing to take responsibility from the upcoming slaughter.

Lately there has been a change on this pattern however. Whenever Kanda raises his blade or there is an approaching fight, a pair of quick footsteps can be heard followed By ”Idiotic Kanda!”

Allen Walker has taken on himself calming all the conflicts related to Yu Kanda and his icy aggression. He would always shoot an icy stare on the taller exorcist before turning to other party on the matter soft and gentle smile apologizing on behalf of the Japanese.

Then, he would grab his comrade and drag him forcefully away their loud bickering echoing in the halls and corridors of the Black Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is it! Also, feel free to suggest a song or a ship! I know these have been mostly Lucky and Yullen but I am a multishipper and I really don't mind ^^


	7. First Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna do "Wait for it" and "Story of Tonight" first but then I heard "First Burn and I had to do this!  
> Sorry for the slow update! I had busy summer and spring... XD  
> This is continuation for the "Burn" WARNING: SUICIDE AND POSSIBLE DEATH.
> 
> Pairing: Lucky with a hint of Poker Pair

At first he mistakes it as just a trick caused by his delirious mind. After all the parasites gnawing and nibbling away his life has made him see and hear things and sometimes it’s hard to distinguish what’s true and what’s not. Yes, he has clearer moments as well and as a Bookman Junior he has learned to calmly wait until they vanish into nothingness.  
So Lavi waits. Pained by the realization that his mind remembers all too well. Tyki Mikk is sitting on the armchair relaxed and lazy like a cat. His other arm is hanging loosely over the armrest. A cigarette is resting between his two fingers and the puffs of smoke make him look even more mystical. His black lock are elegantly wild and gathered carelessly together with a ribbon. The glowing yellow eyes are not leaving Lavi even for a second and they are eyeing the boy with alertness. He wears white shirt and black pants – the same one he often wore when two them were just curled against each other in some filthy motel, hiding from the world.  
Lavi’s heart is shrinking. He had light brown skin then. His forehead was clean from the mark then. 

In the fight he had no time to focus on the memories. No time for anything else than raging fire inside him which screamed from the betrayal and heartbreak.  
This hallucination is cruel. His sharp mind remembers everything. Everything. Even that mole (“Beauty mark, Love. It’s not a _mole_.”) he used to kiss quickly before returning to his master. 

Bitter lump grows on his throat and Lavi turns his head away. 

“I managed to convince them to take you in my care.” The boy wants to cover his ears. He doesn’t WANT to remember how Tyki always spoke so softly to him.  
Is this something he’s secretly wishing? To see Tyki again? To be in his care again? 

No. He cannot. Not when Allen – 

Then he realizes his mind is clearer. The room doesn’t spin. Items and furniture don’t melt into messy mix of colors and blurry mess. He can see the wrinkled clothes that are lying on the floor and the bed which is not made.  
He remembers. Tyki used to make a mess about their rooms and Lavi never left out a chance to tease his lover even though the redhead is not better himself. 

Lavi’s jaw clenches and he squeezes the armrests. He doesn’t turn his head back. 

This is a trick. They are trying to use what they _had_ to make Lavi either join them or reveal something major. 

Bitter, ugly smile decorates his face. Lavi might have been a naïve teen but he isn’t dumb. It might work on the giggling nobel girls and boys but the boy isn’t one of them – _not anymore_. 

In the corner of his eye Lavi sees Tyki move and extends his hand – 

“ _Don’t_ ” He hisses and stands up clenching his hands into fists. A rush of dizziness and nausea washes over him but the boy stays standing with the rage that has hatched inside him for months. He cannot bare the thought of Tyki _touching_ him. “I know what you are trying and it doesn’t work, Noah.” 

The man just stares. Then he exhales and closes eyes. He looks as if Lavi was just a child. 

_Is this how he saw me?_

Something burns behind Lavi’s eyes but he forces it back. Not now. Not _here_. 

“Well, that would be inconvenient… Considering I am putting myself at risk for you.” There it is. That crooked smile that made Lavi roll his eyes gently. 

“I am flattered,” the boy spits. “If it doesn’t work you can always pierce my heart with moths.” 

Finally. A reaction. Tyki flinches. It’s tiny. Nearly non-existent but nothing escapes his eyes. 

The man collects himself quickly. The slick mask of slick uncaring is once again on his face. “It’s a war.” He shrugs. 

Lavi takes it as a confirmation. It had all been for this war. He expects something die inside him but apparently it has withered and rotted by his bitter thoughts. 

He nods mechanically. The boy has no words for Tyki anymore. The man he thought he knew doesn’t even exist. A stranger sits in front of him. A stranger is trying to lure him back singing wordless ballads and letting the silence make hollow promises.  
The redhead pushes them back with his coldness. He lets the icy aura around him grow and cram the space between them. 

“I had to do it. And I do apologize for Japan.” His tone is so… Irritatingly calm. The sorrow dances in his eyes but not regret. Tyki would do that again. 

“You. Apologize.” Lavi has to force those words out. His voice is still hoarse and weak from the parasites but it’s not just that. They hold such a weight in them. And yet there is nothing in them. The boy has dropped every emotion out of himself earlier. Or maybe he’s just echoing Tyki. The man is just… a façade. There’s nothing real. Not in his words. Not in his love. 

Not for _Lavi_.

The man closes his eyes and sighs. “I do.” 

“Don’t.” He spits. “Just get this over with.” 

“I am not going to hurt you,” Tyki notes while he puts his cigarette away. He stands up and he looks like he wants to take a step forward. He doesn’t blink. He keeps the gaze on Lavi like the boy was the only thing that matter. Lavi’s heart shrinks and _almost_ breaks. “I am trying to – “ 

“You should try to save Allen.” The boy cuts cruelly. 

Tyki averts his eyes. It’s such a tiny gesture but it’s a _confirmation_. 

Why else would the man’s whole being open up and light up? Why would his words fly out then so light and teasing?  
Lavi isn’t _blind_. 

His eyes are burning again. He allows Tyki one broken smile. It’s so messed up. They both are acting like it never happened. Is that why? Because Allen is so willing to forget and forgive unlike Lavi?

It hurts. Lavi had been willing to sacrifice so much. Lavi had been willing to _feel_ for Tyki. 

It's not enough. The boy can see it now. 

And instead he has betrayed and lied to everyone. He has nothing. This war is meaningless. When he thinks of his friends only think that fills him up is regret. He loves this man still but he can't forget that he's ready to slaughter everyone and everything the boy has left. 

With trembling hands he pulls out the hammer. (It's easy for him to steal and hold on to things even with hazy mind.)  
Tyki's eyes widen and he tenses. "Lavi - " 

One spark and the fire starts but it's not directed at Tyki. Even like this Lavi knows he can't never hurt the man. His own skin is the one he can't deal with. There are some puzzle pieces that don't fit anywhere. The redhead knows the Bookman is too old but... 

If world is going to end anyway why record it? 

And Lavi is not fit to that role. He can see it now. 

As the flames are starting to caress him he wonders how Tyki is going to explain this to Allen. Is he going to taunt the boy? Lie to him that it was a planned kill? Or is he going to speak voice low with regret and sadness telling the pain and embarrasment he made Lavi endure? 

It hurts and burns. Lavi thinks all of those people Tyki has slaughtered. His legacy. Now he can add the "Bookman Junior" to the list.  
He sees a gray hand reaching him through flames -  

_Don't._

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, and updates might be slow, but bare with me :'D


End file.
